Saturday, June 6, 2009

I Think A License Should Be Required To Operate These....

Of course, if a license were in fact required mine would most certainly be revoked due to reckless clipping.

It seems that I am TERRIBLE at clipping baby finger nails. Erik used to clip Matthew's when he was a baby. I am completely capable of clipping his now, but poor Alexis on the other hand would have some horrible stories to tell you if she could talk.

The first time the clipping went completely wrong was Sunday February 8, 2009. That's right folks, Alexis was just three tiny days old and it was our very first day home. Her nails were incredibly long and her face looked like a painful line graph with all the scratches. So while Erik was showering, I decided I was completely capable of cutting my baby girl's finger nails and decided to put an end to her self inflicted pain. I was thinking "Don't worry tiny baby, Mama is coming to the rescue!". I was picturing myself in a cape, standing tall with wind whipping through my hair and cape all while heroic music played. Her finger was bleeding 4.7 seconds later.

Maybe I can sell my cape on ebay.

I felt horrible. She was bleeding. I cut her teeny tiny finger on her first day home. She was probably contemplating going back to the hospital hoping that she had been switched at birth and that her "real" mom was a proficient baby nail clipper.

Matthew just so happens to hate getting his nails clipped. He always tells me it hurts and then I laugh and laugh, and say "No it doesn't, silly". So he walks on to the nail clipping scene and sees Alexis' teeny tiny bleeding finger and me with the nail clippers in my hand and says "What happened to Awexis?". "Um........she hurt her finger", I say. That isn't a lie right? She did in fact have a hurt finger. For once in his life he didn't ask for specifics.

That was the first time and unfortunately, not the last.

So, is anyone looking for a very part time (so part-time, let's call it part-of-a-part-time) baby nail clipping job? The job doesn't pay much (actually it doesn't pay anything at all), but you can have all the ice water you can drink while you are here! Qualified applicants only, please. This child's fingers can't take anymore rookie clipping.


Jenney said...

Oh no! I actually can't find our pair of nail clippers (just like those actually...have you been to my house?). I have had pretty good luck clipping my kids' nails...I'll trade you that job for sucking out icky noses!

Angela said...

i was laughing so hard when i read this-Jared came in the room to find out what i was laughing about so i read him your post:) I sure do miss you lots!!!

The Queen said...

Yeah, I've cut both girls fingernails and made them bleed. Even now I cut them way too short sometimes and they cry.

Jenny said...

I hate to admit it but when Paris was home for just a few days I decided to cut her nails and actually ended up cutting off the end of her fingertip. I know it's horrible! I was so distraught I took her to the doctor that day and they told me that it would regenerate at her age. Hahaha. I still don't know how I did it. The boys never lost any of their fingers haha